Water water everywhere and not a drop to wash with

Fun night last night. She who must be obeyed and I staggered back in the door about 1:15am after going out on an inpromptu piss-up.

Many beers on board, all I wanted to do is climb up the wooden hill and fall into a delicious alcohol-induced nocturnal slumber, but this was not to be.

I was smart enough to take a plumber's advice years ago and install water alarms next to things that might one day fail. You know - water heater, furnace, toilets etc. Last night was the water heater's turn. And it obviously had a lot of fun on its last evening as a functioning water heater.

There was water gushing about everywhere, being obediently replaced and re-boiled by Mr. Stopcock. Or whatever his name is.

Net result was there was a lot of water on the kitchen floor. About 40 gallons of it, if the sign on old holey bottom was to be believed. So, I just turned the water and gas off and went back to my original intention. After leaving a drunk message for Mr. Pipes to pick up in the morning.

Mr. Pipes woke me up at 8:03 this morning with a cheery: "So, yer water heater's fucked then is it?".

"Yes, it certainly seems that way"

"Be there between 11 and 1."

"OK"

Stagger bleary-eyed into the bathroom. Nice seated morning activity as usual, then into the shower. Where the hot water tap isn't working. Somehow my brain had not managed to connect the fact that the water heater had finished spewing its contents onto the kitchen floor not 7 hours prior, and the fact that that meant "no hot water" until the water heater was un-fucked (as Mr. Pipes would have put it).

So, I write this having boiled a kettle and had a whore's bath which wasn't very satisfying. I don't know how they live like that. I like to wash as much as the average guy I guess - but nothing beats that "fresh feeling" after a bit of rumpy pumpy. And if one were to rump and pump a few times of an evening, I'd imagine that a flannel and a bowlful of hot water would not quite cut the mustard. So to speak.

More to come on the water heater saga. It isn't fixed yet, because Mr. Pipes couldn't get to it. Well, not in the way he wanted to.

Buggers.